Is there anyone out there that suffers from idleness and exhaustion that is so complete and consistent that it reduces all your ‘I will be more active and healthy’ plans to pure imagination? I mean, I am quite sure I was not dreaming when, last week, I made a list of ‘To Dos’ for myself, activities ranging from quite important tasks such as finance errands to booking that swimming class! I have the list here in front of me…so no, I was not imagining it. Yet, a week later, I only managed to fulfill 20% of my overall items.
I am quite ashamed to go further to reveal that this is the case, in spite of having just finished ‘ The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People’! For those who have read this wonderful, more lifestyle changing than a self-help manual, you will not understand why I am still an absolute worthless pig to myself!
Aggravated by another deadly and almost fatal condition: pure boredom, I see no difference between my life as a human, waking up, going to work, going to sleep to a cow who wakes up (I am not sure how cows sleep – sorry), eats (which would be the work part?, and then sleeps (okay I still don’t know how cows sleep)…
Perhaps this is a sign that I cannot be of any use to myself in any shape or form. I need an assistant. Damn it, I should have stayed in London, set up a charity for ‘Good for nothing losers’, committee management comprising of self nominated members, and advertise for a volunteer assistant. Charity and volunteering is so praised over there, I am sure I could be quite successful in this venture.
Person Specification for such a role?
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KNOWLEDGE |
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Understanding of the issues relating to assisting people who are pathetic |
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Good practice in monitoring and evaluation of report progress of people who are pathetic |
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Understanding of needs of people with possible serious mental health problems, without revealing it to them. No one needs to know they are crazy. That’s unnecessary.
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EXPERIENCE |
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At least two years experience working with people who are pathetic or being pathetic |
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Working within an equal opportunities framework. |
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Preparing reports to managers, funders and others that there are more and more people who suffer from patheticness. Yes, funding is needed. |
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No promoting and marketing activities. We do not want to attract more losers due to limited facilities. |
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SKILLS |
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Good written communication skills |
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Good oral communication skills. |
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Ability to organize workload, otherwise what the hell is the point. |
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Computer literate would be advantageous |
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My pathetic condition is not helped by life in the workplace. The Events department I work in is humble in numbers, but key to the revenue generation of the hotel. We are as follows:
- A neurotic Chinese manager, who goes for a medical check every week. Thrives in giving me a heart attack daily, by following up on my follow ups! A 5min gathering ritual follows after our morning briefing between me and my colleague to give each other translation on parts we did not understand.
- Egyptian manager who is so intense by nature, that he looks like he is about to burst into tears every time you look at him, has tantrums about the slightest thing and hides a waterfall of insecurity by relishing at the sight of someone making a mistake. I almost cry looking at him out of laughter and i have almost run out of ‘its my eyes’ excuses.
- A South Korean chick who is, I am quite convinced is Bi-polar or something. She will get genuinely annoyed by the smallest thing, and will be happy the next second.
- An Indonesian lady who has the face of Winnie the Pooh. I am watching her. That ‘How are you today’ look is not going down me with me at all.
- Chinese Malay manager whose spoken English is so incorrect and corrupt, that after talking to her for a few minutes, I almost believe I will be celebrating the coming Chinese New year with red material adorned in my flat.
I feel like I have been alive forever. Any new situation, I am already planning an efficient escape. Impatience……..no care for anything. Whatever it is, I have not had a holiday for so long.
And I am full of hope that Ramadan will be the beginning to re-energize this drown of a life that has the spiritual age of 200 yrs. I mean for crying out loud….why does the day have to be so long?
